2020/09/21

 So the stress of everything is kinda crashing in on me today. I mean maybe just in the last couple hours. Had a fun weekend going to the cabin and then hanging out with RL and PM. PM gets flirty when he's drunk, which is nice and fun. RL is getting laid off this week and it is incredibly brutal to know my friend is waking up anxious and agonizing about losing the most formative and personal job she's had so far. It's her one big post college job, really, and even though it's nice that she's parting on good terms (due to Covid-19) it doesn't make it any less hard and incredibly sad. 

Money of course comes up. It just seems impossible to live without the extra stimulus money if RL or PM or I end up laid off with no other job options for the next few months. I still have my job, of course, but it's nerve wracking to think I could lose it. I'm glad I've been on leave this month and had some money saved up to help moving and buying furniture but damn, I need to reign it in and budget. 

I guess it's nice to get it off my chest that I'm stressed and it's awful seeing my friend so upset. PM is upset in his own way and it's so much less overt than RL, but it was also heart breaking to talk with him. I said this to RL but I think both of them have a hard time actually understanding their value as employees due to the way the boats are. I mean that they have such specific job descriptions that applying it to other job options is really hard. PM is considering finding a job in DT St. Paul or even a different job on the river but god.... like what???